So, I've been totally on the oppposite end of the depressive spectrum today, thankfully - been totally wired and inspired all day. I achieved a reasonable amount. None of the stuff I SHOULD be achieving (such as getting a job or studying) but eh, that stuff is boring. I've been bouncing around to my music all day and spring cleaned and tidied my entire room, even though I originally set out to just sort out my desk drawers, I had a great dinner out of hardly any ingredients (getting to the poverty line right now) and I made up my mind to actually try and do things with my life.
That decision came from finding this old book that all my teachers and friends signed at the end of school and sixth form..Some people wrote all sorts of nice things about how far they thought I'd go in life. And I thought, everyone used to have such high expectations for me, and recently I've lost a lot of my sense of aspiration.
I don't think I should throw all that away. I should try and be the best I can be. That means I have to take some risks and forget my temporary lack of confidence. I should get out and do something. Which is why I've decided to... well, thats part of my sneaky plan. I won't reveal what it is until I'm a little more convinced it won't fail miserably ;-) So don't give it away, people I've told. (Means you, Sophie and Emma.) Anyways, I'm determined to do at least something creative with my life. I just need to find my place, and I may as well start now while its not too late.
Also I've been a bit slack with my "more photos" objective. Here's a photo of yours truly... after a long explanation :P
In my sudden rush of creativity and inspiration, not only did I have a nice idea for a novel which I will probably never write, but I also had this dumb idea for a piece of art, (and I wouldn't take the word "art" too seriously here), which I started drawing, and then remembered that I'm too rubbish at drawing to do justice to it. I mean, it did look pretty good in my head. I wont bother explaining my exact imagination but it had a woman in it, and I'm so terrible at drawing anything real, like people. I'm better at abstract doodles. (Lame, I know). If I said the photo was going to be a levitating (possibly fairy) lady DJ in space playing on invisible floating decks, that is a sillier sounding image of what I had in mind. If I could transpose the image in my head into reality it would have looked so cool, I swear.
Anyway, I thought, maybe I could get lots of pictures off the internet and form the picture from a collage of photos instead. Then I realised it would look crap. Then I thought, what I really need is someone to pose the way I'm imagining, then I can try and draw it and copy it. Then I thought, maybe it would be better as a photo anyway, or maybe a combination of more than one photo and some other effects to get what I was aiming for. Then I realised I didn't have a model so it was all imaginary. Then for a while I thought, I would be the ideal model because I know exactly what I've got in mind. Then I realised I didn't have a photographer. Then I thought, oh damn I have a crap camera and no photography skills. Then I thought "sod it" and ended up photographing myself and thus ending up feeling very vain.
Goodnight,
Bekah
That decision came from finding this old book that all my teachers and friends signed at the end of school and sixth form..Some people wrote all sorts of nice things about how far they thought I'd go in life. And I thought, everyone used to have such high expectations for me, and recently I've lost a lot of my sense of aspiration.
I don't think I should throw all that away. I should try and be the best I can be. That means I have to take some risks and forget my temporary lack of confidence. I should get out and do something. Which is why I've decided to... well, thats part of my sneaky plan. I won't reveal what it is until I'm a little more convinced it won't fail miserably ;-) So don't give it away, people I've told. (Means you, Sophie and Emma.) Anyways, I'm determined to do at least something creative with my life. I just need to find my place, and I may as well start now while its not too late.
Also I've been a bit slack with my "more photos" objective. Here's a photo of yours truly... after a long explanation :P
In my sudden rush of creativity and inspiration, not only did I have a nice idea for a novel which I will probably never write, but I also had this dumb idea for a piece of art, (and I wouldn't take the word "art" too seriously here), which I started drawing, and then remembered that I'm too rubbish at drawing to do justice to it. I mean, it did look pretty good in my head. I wont bother explaining my exact imagination but it had a woman in it, and I'm so terrible at drawing anything real, like people. I'm better at abstract doodles. (Lame, I know). If I said the photo was going to be a levitating (possibly fairy) lady DJ in space playing on invisible floating decks, that is a sillier sounding image of what I had in mind. If I could transpose the image in my head into reality it would have looked so cool, I swear.
Anyway, I thought, maybe I could get lots of pictures off the internet and form the picture from a collage of photos instead. Then I realised it would look crap. Then I thought, what I really need is someone to pose the way I'm imagining, then I can try and draw it and copy it. Then I thought, maybe it would be better as a photo anyway, or maybe a combination of more than one photo and some other effects to get what I was aiming for. Then I realised I didn't have a model so it was all imaginary. Then for a while I thought, I would be the ideal model because I know exactly what I've got in mind. Then I realised I didn't have a photographer. Then I thought, oh damn I have a crap camera and no photography skills. Then I thought "sod it" and ended up photographing myself and thus ending up feeling very vain.
I realised, even though one of my favourite photographers may be totally awesome at self portrait, I am useless at all kinds of photography plus I just look silly. (Person I'm referring to: Icelandic lady named Rebekka Guðleifsdóttir: link to some of her stuff )
I ended up giving up on my original idea. It was too hard. Oh well. Grumps.
Goodnight,
Bekah
4 comments:
Is that you in the photo?! :O If it is, I really don't recognise you. :-P
Guess you've never seen me on one of those weird days where I inexplicably turn black-and-white then.
No, can't say I've ever noticed you do that. :-P *watches you carefully*
R, love the photo. Are you on flickr?
This is such a good and honest and refreshing blog.
Glad you felt so energised today.
These things can run in cycles. I remember once I was so bored of everyone, everything. I didn't want to go out. I felt things were really dull, until I realised that things weren't dull at all, it was who was being dull and boring. The next day life was exciting again.
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